


One Piece PETs: Scaring Qualifications

by moonlitinuyasha1985, XFangHeartX



Series: One Piece PETs [179]
Category: Hellsing, One Piece
Genre: Anthropomorphic, Crossover, Gen, Halloween, Halloween Costumes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 16:22:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5255147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitinuyasha1985/pseuds/moonlitinuyasha1985, https://archiveofourown.org/users/XFangHeartX/pseuds/XFangHeartX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Just a simple little parody of both Beetlejuice and 6teen.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Piece PETs: Scaring Qualifications

**Scaring Qualifications**

 

(I do not, nor will I EVER, own Hellsing or One Piece. They both belong to the amazing Kohta Hirano and Ze Great Eiichiro Oda.)

 

 

So our story starts off in a white void. Or, so it seemed at first.

 

   Zoomed out a bit further, it was revealed to be a white, icy expanse typical of Northern Russia.  A man in a red fedora and jacket walked forward, holding a sick grin, and wore orange-tinted glasses all the while. This man was Alucard.

 

"So, I have to settle with some Soviets now...Integra has a sense of humor at times..."

 

" _Ostanovis' pryamo tam!_ " shouted a voice in Russian.

 

"A Russian, correct?" Alucard turned to the man in question.

 

The Russian man replied, "Well damn. I can't think of a snappy comeback, considering you're...THE...Alucard..."

 

He started sweating profusely, "In Soviet Russia, you do not become part of Russia...Russia becomes _you_..."

 

Alucard grinned, "That's more like it."

 

After a pause, Alucard asked, "How about you and I go out on a Ballroom Blitz?"

 

From the extremely gruesome scene, we cut to another freaking day in the New World.

 

"Meh," Luffy groaned on his special seat, "I'm bored."

 

Zoro replied, "What else is new?"

 

"Maybe some meat might perk you back up?" Nami inquired.

 

Luffy looked up, answering, "That sounds like it would be fun..."

 

"Good." Nami spoke. "I'll have Sanji whip up something."

 

   With that, she headed for the kitchen. Luffy spoke up, "You know, for a crew who's defeated three Warlords, Enies Lobby, and has amassed a Grand Fleet, we sure do spend all our time laying around, doing nothing."

 

"That's not completely true," Zoro clarified, "I mean, we also occasionally increase our bounties as well."

 

Luffy asked, "Is that right?"

 

"Yeah, and we also have our usual routines," Zoro added.

 

"Huh..." Luffy muttered; soon, he asked, "Why hasn't Chopper come out yet?"

 

"Beats me," Zoro answered with a shrug.

 

"Well it's nothing I have to worry about." Luffy shrugged.

 

At that moment, Usopp appeared.

 

"Luffy, Zoro." Usopp spoke. "Is it just me, or is there a feeling that something ominous will happen soon enough?"

 

You got it, baby.

 

"...Oh, hell." Usopp muttered in dread.

 

   Sure enough, the _Sunny_ entered a white void. Or, rather, frigid cold waters with constant snow and ice everywhere. Although, no one really cared about that.

 

"Alright guys, three of us are gonna need to check this place out." Luffy spoke up. "Zoro, Nami, you two are coming with me."

 

"Sure thing, captain," Zoro complied.

 

"You've been wanting to have the old trio do things together again, huh?" Nami asked; she smiled. "Man, those were the days."

 

"Yeah," agreed Luffy.

 

Robin popped up, saying, "While you three check out the region, I'll stay behind to keep watch of the _Thousand Sunny_."

 

"Thanks, Robin," spoke Nami.

 

"Anytime." Robin replied.

 

"Let's go." Luffy spoke up as he, Zoro, and Nami disembarked.

 

And so, they continued walking across the icy expanse, waiting to see something of value.

 

"Why are we out in the cold without jackets?" Nami inquired.

 

"Good question." Zoro noted prior to shivering.

 

Nami soon started sneezing.

 

"Ah... s-shit... this is... b-back... ACHOO!!" she sniffed.

 

   Luffy, however, was not affected that much, saying, "Come on, it's not like we're hiking or anything. Besides, you didn't bring an expensive jacket for me to ruin, Nami."

 

Nami groaned, "OH, C-COME ON!!... I S-SAID I'M S-SORRY... for... that..."

 

"Does someone need some warmth?" Zoro asked. "I'm doing just fine in my clothes here."

 

"That w-would be nice...!" Nami shuddered, hugging herself for warmth.

 

So Zoro looked around, and spotted a jacket.

 

"Weird..." he picked it up, and put it on Nami. "Better now?"

 

"Better." Nami answered.

 

At that instant, Luffy spotted a figure in deep red.

 

"Huh... I wonder who that is..." he murmured

 

"Could be a local," Zoro surmised.

 

In that moment, the man faced them. He wore gold-tinted glasses, wore a red fedora, and wielded two huge pistols.

 

"Or... not." Zoro added.

 

"Whoa...!" Luffy whispered.

 

"This guy... looks like serious business..." Nami noted. "Be careful, guys..."

 

The man in red spoke up, "Ah... pirates...I remember facing off against guys like you before..."

 

"Hm?" Luffy hummed, confused. "Really?"

 

"Yes." the man answered; he asked, "So, can I help you in any way?"

 

"Um..." Luffy thought for a moment.

 

   He realized, "Oh, yeah! Me and my crew were looking around for ways to bring our scaring A-game this Halloween, and considering how you look like you can scare someone, well, I was wondering if you could help us out."

 

The man in crimson smiled creepily, saying, "...Go on."

 

"For starters, what're your qualifications?" Luffy asked.

 

   The crimson man replied, "Well, I kill vampires for a living, I have a pet hellhound that comes out of my arm, I'm an aficionado in terms of red wine, and I feasted like a king during the Black Death, I lived through World War II and I had a _really_ fun time during that, I killed two hookers with one bullet, painted a town red with the blood of my enemies, crashed a car from England all the way over to a Dairy Queen in America, blew up a werewolf with dynamite, went to 2nd base with a virgin, and I saw _The Exorcist_ at Brazil, making it the hundredth and sixty-seventh time! And it just keeps getting funnier every time I see it! Not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy! _**NOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK!?!?!**_ "

 

He seethed for a moment and asked, "You think I'm qualified?"

 

"...What we wanna know is can you be scary?" Luffy responded.

 

"You want scary?" the crimson man inquired. "Then release control arc restriction: 1."

 

The Crimson man's arm turned into four hellhound heads that barked and bit rabidly.

 

" **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** " Luffy, Nami, and Zoro screamed.

 

The dog arm retracted into a simple arm. The crimson man spoke up, "So, was that what you were looking for?"

 

"...Could you give us a sec?" Nami inquired.

 

"Take your time." the crimson man replied. "By the way, the name's Alucard."

 

"R-Right." Nami stuttered and whispered to Luffy, "No way are we hiring this guy!"

 

   Luffy replied, "Nami, this guy is exactly who we're looking for. And don't go on about how he killed many people and just acted like a jackass. That's a lot like pirates, you know."

 

Then, Zoro asked, "But what Devil Fruit user would have a _dog_ for an arm?"

 

"For the record, I can hear what you're saying," Alucard piped up, "and I don't know about any Devil Fruits, or recall ever eating one, however, the reason for the hellhound is because I'm a vampire."

 

At that, Nami shrugged, "Well, I guess we were gonna run into a vampire sooner or later."

 

"What do you think, Zoro?" Luffy asked.

 

Zoro sighed, "Screw it: I'm in."

 

"That settles it, then." Luffy declared.

 

"So," Alucard said, "when do we begin?"

 

"October 31st," Luffy answered, "AKA: the day we're _supposed_ to wear these."

 

As it were, Luffy was dressed as Kamina, Zoro as Wolverine, and Nami as Yoko.

 

Zoro spoke up, "What, did you think we always look like this?"

 

Alucard snarked, "Could have fooled me."

 

At any rate, Luffy and co. decided to head back to the _Thousand Sunny_.

 

"They're an odd lot," Alucard noted.

 

As it were, the other Straw Hats were busy preparing a Sea King they had just caught.

 

"Sea King meat. My favorite." Zoro noted.

 

"And mine!" Luffy added, his mouth watering.

 

Robin immediately noticed Alucard, and spoke up, "Luffy, how is it that you brought over Alucard, of all people?"

 

"You didn't ask him to join our crew, did you?" Usopp inquired, nervously.

 

"Usopp, let's not get carried away." Robin told him. "Alucard works for Sir Integra Hellsing alone.  What reason would he have to join our crew?"

 

"Ouch...that was harsh..." Usopp muttered.

 

"Anyways, he's the guy to help out with the spookiness of Halloween!" Luffy grinned.

 

Sanji looked at them, asking, "How is it that Luffy, Mosshead, and the delightful Nami~...have their costumes on already?"

 

Zoro replied, "Because Wolverine. That's why."

 

"...Fair enough." Sanji said.

 

"Speaking of helping out," Alucard chimed in, "when do I begin?"

 

"On Halloween," Luffy responded.

 

"And what will I do until then?" Alucard asked.

 

"Whatever it is that you usually do, I guess." Luffy shrugged.

 

"So... kill Catholics, vampires, and Nazis?" Alucard questioned.

 

"...Yeah, that." Luffy murmured.

 

Alucard grinned, "This is going to be fun..."

 

Oh, you bet.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this all turned out so much more different than the summary.:|
> 
>  
> 
> Anyhoo, this is a prelude to the Halloween Special that's coming up.


End file.
